Welcome to my Christmas Spectacular, where it's neither Christmas or spectacular. But we are in the midst of the "holiday season" where there is a holiday for everyone!
Coming up this week is the Airing of Grievances dinner holiday, followed closely by the great African American holiday "Black Friday". Although I never understood the need for a African American holiday — we all know Jesus was black. Also Santa Clause is based on Saint Nicholas who was Greek so … not white.
We eat the traditional reindeer as part of the 12 days of Christmas and tell stories about Rudolph; the reindeer that was different so everyone bullied him until he proved he was a functional member of society, then they pretended to love him while making fun of him behind his back.
This is when we learn that Santa died for our sins and it doesn't seem even a tiny bit racist that all mall Santa are pasty white men — I mean Santa could be transgendered. Has anyone seen Santa's genitals? What bathroom does he use in a Government building in NC? Recently I used the women's restroom in a Government building and no one seemed to mind.
This is the season where we play jokes on people by giving them the dreaded fruit cake, and if you find the baby in the fruit cake, you are required to make the cake next year.
The Jewish culture also has a holiday called Monica where they dance naked around the Festivus pole.
Then there is Deal Season — where retailers sell crap product at lower prices to manipulating you into buying lots of other stuff. It's not actually a deal, but they tell us that and for some reason we believe them - much like politicians.
So as you prepare the ritual sacrifice for your blood offering to whatever God you believe in and prepare to teach your children that they are being bribed to be good because we don't know how to discipline them, please remember to always say Happy holidays — because no one knows what the hell is going on anyway.
You can find all links referred to in the show (well, some of them) on my twitter feed @regisjack.
"In this digital age, everyone is worried about are being tracked — by Google, by advertisers, by retailers, by the Government — and we are being tracked. It's not a secret. It's fact that each of us creates a large digital footprint. For those who are afraid of this, they try to hide by living off the grid. No digital access. No internet. No credit cards. Everything cash. For those of us leaving a digital trail — the Government doesn't really care. But for those NOT leaving a trail — that's who they investigate the most." - The Distracted Philosopher
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This is episode s09e42(361) for Monday, November 21, 2016 and clocked in at 12 minutes, 51 seconds