Wait … This Notification IS a Bitch

“I got a bitch who’s a man, because you’re bitches too!” - ICE T

A few weeks back, during my podcast episode #282: I got 99 Notifications and a Bitch Ain’t One”, I forgot to mention one very important issue with notifications — on your phone or your watch — and that’s dick pics.

When I say dick pics, I’m really referring to any sort of notification (picture or text) that, when it appears on the screen of your phone/watch with a preview, can cause embarrassment, harassment charges, providing porn to a minor charge, relationship issues, termination of employment, or other legal/personal issues.

Let me provide some examples:

  • Let’s say you are at a PTA meeting with your 6 year old child, your life partner, and the teacher, when some person sends a picture of their junk — well, that’s an awkward conversation, especially if it’s the teachers SO’s junk.
  • It can be pictures of vagina, tits, ass, asshole, or any combination of these — while your are in the church.
  • A simple text from your pharmacy saying your Viagra is ready to pick up — this is embarrassing when your older and trying told date a younger woman.
  • Maybe you get a text from your girlfriend saying she’s pregnant with your child and she wants to marry you — while you are at lunch with your wife.
  • Any inappropriate picture, text, or meme during a job interview or performance evaluation — these tend to come from your “friend/podcaster who has access to imgur.com, and loves to send offensive memes.

I know some of you are saying, “But I don’t get or send stuff like that.” And I believe you. But that doesn’t stop some spammer from sending that out (or an “inappropriate friend” for that matter) in the near future.

I turn off preview of all messages on my iPhone, but I can’t turn off preview of other services, including mail, so those will always show too much on the screen. This is why I turn notifications off most of the time.

I’m just saying be careful out there. Tits on the wrist may sound cool, but poorly timed, can really hurt you.